If You Go Down to the Woods Today...

'ello there folks!! How's everyone doing?? Good?? I hope so, coz i CERTAINLY am!!

I survived the 27 hour journey from San Francisco to Yellowstone!! Wahey!! Though let me tell you - there are stories to tell... yes, stories about the Greyhound! It didn't just consist of me dozing in and out of consciousness, keeping myself to myself and listening to my i-pod. Seriously folks, you have NO idea how to ride a bus til you ride the US Greyhound. Hannerz learnt from my sage advice and witnessed the kind of loopy folks on the bus (remember the guy who showed you photos of his dog and laughed like the black dude from Scary Movie bro?? I'm sure you do!!). So without further a-do, let's fill you in shall we??

After much hobbling around San Fran (remember, i have a severed toe - plus blisters come morning!) i finally made it onto my bus to Salt Lake City, Utah, which connects to Yellowstone, Montana. All was well at first... then onto the bus steps a dude whom I am going to dub ''Mumbly Joe''. He sat up front at first... but ended up sitting behind me (thank god not WITH me). The WHOLE way he would mumble random facts about anything, then break into song (normally Johnny Cash), then just say whatever he saw. I hate to break it to him - but this ISN'T Catchphrase... Roy Walker is not urging you to 'say what you see'!

I actually sat by myself for the WHOLE journey... which was unusual. I sat there looking out the window looking at everyone getting on, as usual, as i keep an eye out for weirdos / hotties (unfortunately only about 1 girl out of every journey i've taken in this trip falls into the latter group). I then caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror... i too have become that single male travelling the Greyhound that I too would like to avoid if i didn't know me! Scary thought! It could be the fact that i now look a bit like the Wild Man of Bourneo, but who knows. Naturally, any gorgeous women would be fighting for the seat next to me, but as they don't exist on the G-hound, they don't flock to me like salmon.

Anyway, i thought Mumbly Joe was the biggest 'thrill' of the ride... but no no no. When we rolled into Reno (which looks crap by the way - a poor man's Vegas including a cheap-o immitation of Circus Circus) there were loads of police waiting for the bus. I thought nothing of this - and asked one where to get some food as i hadn't eaten in 15 hours... and i wandered off. I then wandered back and stood there bus-side watching my luggage (another Greyhound rule - defend that luggage like it's the last woman on Earth). Then a dude in normal clothes kindly asks me to go inside because of 'pumping fuel into the coach' - fair enough i thought...

Five minutes later, the same guy walks into the depot - this time with his NVPD (Nevada Police Department) badge on show - announcing that drugs have been found in bags belonging to two women!! Now all the K9 units made sense!! Magically, the women were nowhere to be seen. Obviously they were more on the ball than i was. Clearly, i'd make a balls of smuggling drugs! At least that's an occupation i can strike off my list (not that it ever WAS one though!).

Let's fast forward a bit, as the rest of the journey is pretty standard. I rocked into Yellowstone at about 5pm and set about getting me some food (it now being a good 10 hours since my crap sandwich in Reno). What do you eat in a National Park famous for bears?? Why, BEAR ofcourse!! Yep, a big slab of Grizzly steak was served up - with a big side portion of gullability. No, ofcourse i didn't eat bear. I would NEVER eat that animal - most things are go go go, but bears and monkeys / apes are very much off the menu. Unless i was stuck on a mountain with a fellow traveller - i'd eat them, no questions. I infact tucked into 16oz of bison. Mmmmm, hit the spot. Getting me ready for today... my wildlife adventure!

The reason i came to Yellowstone is to see nature. I loved what i saw in Alaska and was keen for more! Was i disappointed?? Not at all! Today i can say that i've seen (and taken photos of): grizzly bears, wolves, bison (LOADS), coyotes, moose (male this time, and further away than in Alaska thank god!) and lots of lousy birds which no-one should care about. Me included.

It was so amazing to be within an arm's length of bison walking over the roads (i was in a car - they kill people with their horns regularly - they weigh over a ton!). Also seeing grizzly bears and wolves was AMAZING. I've fallen in love with those bears. No doubt they'd destroy me, but i'd be thinking how cool it was being mauled to death by Yogi Bear. I'd be less chuffed if it was BooBoo, as for me, he ruined the TV series. Much as Scrappy Doo ruined Scooby Doo. Why oh why do Hanna-Barbera (the cartooners) insist on putting those crappy little cousins / brothers / pests in the shows?? Welcome to the first of today's random Aaron outbursts. There may be more... there may not! Read on!

I think my tour guide merits a mention, as she was slightly... odd. This is a woman who laughs at everything, even when she's totally vexed with the people she's talking to! She brought to mind an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer tries to suppress his rage all the time, which culminates in him developing stress bumps on his neck before he eventually EXPLODES with rage. Yes, she is that same kind of person! She never exploded, but boy did these Italians on the tour annoy her. The kids knew NO English whatsoever, so the tour was pointless for them, but their parents weren't much better! Yet again - you pesky Europeans getting into the US!! They didn't snore though, so they're fine in my book!

I don't think it helped her temper when i corrected her on a point she was making. She waded into the territories of microbiology, which i know like the back of my hand thanks to a module i took over a year ago where we actually studied Yellowstone. I piped up, as ever, and made my point clear. I was now in awe of all my passengers. It's interesting to see that what Hayzy said to me back in the UK about scientists being highly prized in the US is evident wherever i go. I say about having done a Biology Masters and doing Biochem Engineering next and they think that's the most amazing 'Major' in the world. You don't get that treatment back home. Biology is the whore of the sciences: she's easy and everyone's had her. Chemistry and Physics are your high-class escorts, if you will. Admittedly those escorts are dull and no fun at all, but you don't catch the 'disease' of having studied a supposedly soft science!

Made some pals on the tour though, which was cool - they're both pilots, so that was pretty different! I think i won their respect with my fact rebuttal about biology. Who knew that being a geek = respect in the US!! We sank a couple of beers in the back of the bus on the way back and just chatted the drive back away!

So, what's next?? Well, i'm here for one whole day more, which again, is pretty gutting. Tomorrow i head out on another tour to see all the world famous geysers, where i can put my biology knowledge on show (again!). Then sadly it'll be time for me to leave Yellowstone, which'll suck. I then begin to hurtle my way East towards Chicago (by plane thankfully).

I'll drop y'all a line from Salt Lake City, Utah, where i'll be kipping before my flight on Tuesday and let you know how the geysers were. Probably mind-blowing, like so much of this trip actually. This tour of the states has been amazing, and has actually made me want to come back to so many places - a boy's holiday of debauchery to New Orleans and Las Vegas (lads - we need to do this - Hannerz agrees!) and an adventure trip through Yellowstone and Alaska - backpacking and fishing the days away (never fished before... but it looks fun in the middle of glaciers and huge rivers with wild bears and bison on all sides!). Never dismiss the US as a holiday destination folks - there's much more to this country than Orlando... just avoid the crap areas i've highlighted! Ha!

So that's all for now folks - i'll speak to y'all soon!

Aaron! x