Viva Las Vegas!!

Daaaaayyyyyyymmmmmmnnnnnnn it's been a while y'all. Been mackin' like a true East Coast playa... or something...

Yes, it's been a while since i filled you in with the sordid tales of my conquests through the States, so it's about time i brought you upto speed isn't it?? Since my last post i have been joined by Hannerz, which is awesome... and i don't actually have to say that JUST because he's reading what i'm typing! Seriously, this past week in Hollywood and Vegas has been sensational.

Alas, i must confess something... and that's the fact that i've been unfaithful.

Unfaithful to New Orleans that is, as Cali has definitely captured my heart, as too has Vegas. Why? Well, there's innumerable reasons, but i'll try to recap them as succinctly as possible, as we're currently holed up in Little Korea in LA in one of the... most UNIQUE hostels i've ever had the pleasure to stay at. Hell, you can get driving lessons and medical treatment here. Damn, those yanks think of everything don't they?! So without further-a-due, let's recap...

I think i left you with the idea of me going to Venice Beach, which turned out to be ace, though i burnt myself beyond recognition, and my lips are STILL sore now (though that may be due to talking crap way too much). I went out there with my favourite 3 LA ladies (though none are actually from LA): Sarah, Louise and Sarah. Was a really awesome day, though i gotta say - Muscle Beach is a wee bit small! I did a few chin-ups (standard) to prove my worth, but it was unbelievably small... a comment that cannot be made about the 'undercarriage' of a certain black male bodybuilder who strutted around the beach in the tiniest speedos emblazened with the US flag... not a pleasant image, and one i care not to remember. I'll focus instead on the girls rollerblading. Much better.

That night was a quiet one, where me and the ladies just sat around in the library (damn we rule) chatting about everything we could muster. Although some dude did pass the comment that 'Woah, that mac has enough ladies!' - yes, i really was the stud of Hollywood ha!

Emblazed with the sun's sensual touch (or burns to you and I), myself, the ladies, the newly-arrived Hannerz and Alex (sound dude in my dorm) rocked out into the Hollywood nightlife - where we hit the Sunset Strip, taking in places such as the Whiskey-A-Go-Go and the Viper Room (Johnny Depp's place). Now, although not LOADS of people were out that night, we were all outrageously wrecked! This culminated with Hannerz stripping down to his boxers in front of me, declaring 'I'm pissed mate' and retiring to his room. Legend! But BEFORE all that... well, i think i can remember everything... including heckling the piss-poor comedians at our hostel. I finally responded to Sarah's request to heckle by shutting down the head act's joke mid-flow because i knew the punchline. I got some laughs - decidedly MORE than he was getting. Neither Hannerz or I can remember QUITE how we got so wrecked, but we know it was an amazing night... let's just say that i also did my best to re-enact the exciting world of Cluedo in my own Aaron-esque fashion - it was in the library... but what with?? Most of you won't have a sweet clue what i'm going on about... gutted! ;-)

Skip a day, and we hit Bel Air... well, all but one of the Sarah's who couldn't move due to the outrageously awesome preceding evening. Bel Air was pretty cool, though you couldn't see loads. Our guide - Jimmy - was an absolute LEGEND!! Made me piss myself on several occasions, especially when 'laying the groundwork' with a Croat girl. I wonder if he succeeded in his conquest... hell, who knows! We've also acquired the word 'mac' from that tour - it's a word we're going to break into the English language on our return.... you read it here first!

That night was AGAIN party time (you'll notice a theme here!), this time by mode of a limo with the most annoying French person in the world!! Seriously, you've not met a dude who wants to crowdsurf down the inside of a limo like him... what a complete knob! And people wonder why we don't get along with the French... their lack of ability to shave, their non-compliance with speaking English like every other non-English nation in the world and their poncy lack-of-substance breakfasts... and now crowdsurfing pricks. What a country!

Post-limo we hit what can only be described as... a 'unique' night, that received mixed reviews from the critics in attendance. We headed out to see a band called the Steel Panthers - an 80's glam-metal band ala Motley Crue and Poison, who i thought were pretty damn good - a good mix of covers that you can't help but know the words to! Like i say, it received mixed reviews, but i got my taste of the sleaze that the Sunset Strip can provide... so that was pretty awesome. It may not have been true 80's debauchery, but it was good all the same!!

NOW we finally get onto describing Vegas. I want to be succinct here, but let's face it, i'm lame at being succinct, but brilliant and being smutty, so be prepared to read DEEP into this paragraph or two (though to be fair, you should have done that earlier on too...)

Vegas. How can i describe it?? 'Incredible' is what Hannerz has just said, and i can't disagree at all. It totally lived upto what i was expecting - neon, gambling and ridiculous levels of heat. A winning combo!! Now, the question on everyone's lips - did Aaron win money?? No. No is the answer to that. Unless you could the 2 cents that i won last night on a penny slot machine. I'm clearly blessed with luck. Hannerz DID win though, a lovely sum of $140 whilst playing poker - $40 of which is actually MY chips, but i'll let him have it... he mercked me, but rather him than some of the other chumps at the table! We decided to stay in a Casino - Circus Circus, which was pretty cool, and way better than stab-central which is where we would otherwise have been staying. Bit like London, but hotter!

But let's get onto the interesting day shall we?? Yesterday. We planned to browse the Strip and weigh up where to play poker later on that night. But like all best-laid plans... we failed. After diving into a bar for some thirst-quenching beer we were challenged to a game of 'beer-pong' - a game i'd heard about but never seen or played. But who were we challenged by?? Why, it was a group of girls from North California. Result right?? We didn't even need to put in any effort - we're just that mack, yo. Basically the game is throwing ping pong balls into pints of beer and drinking it (it's better in real life, i swear). What it's NOT about is putting the ping-pong balls in your mouth and being a bit of an idiot. American girls clearly don't find that thing appropriate, though i disagree, as we found it humourous, even if they didn't. One girl in particular seemed particularly disgusted by my antics... hell, i'm surprised it took her 30 minutes. Slow or what?!

After a lengthy duel, we drank with them and headed off to Circus Circus for some rest, because we were meant to meet back up with them. Signs were apparent that another game of Cluedo was afoot for our intrepid adventurers... so we went to their place and knocked... and knocked... and knocked... gutted. No-one answered, but we DID hear a couple making WILD passionate love next door... by 'making love' i mean 'making love for a fee'... yeaaaaa, hooker-ville USA baby! After being amused by the hanky panky we pounded the door one last time, and finally the girls answered... it was on like donkey kong!!

We hit some SWANKY clubs, that myself and Hannerz felt particularly out of place at! Everyone seemed so beautiful and awesome, and then there was us in our worn clothes, smelling a little (of awesomeness, naturally!), but we were accompanied by immaculately dressed girls, so all was well. I'll skip the middle bit and get onto the interesting stuff... Maverick and Goose came back, yes Top Gun II was being enacted! For those not in the know - look up 'wingmanning' on Google, you'll get the hint. I was Goose this time, and let James 'Maverz' Hanley take home the prize... though to be fair, i think i deserve a medal of bravery, or at least some suitable accolade for undertaking not 1, not 2, but THREE girls for the remainder of the night!! Now that may sound friggin' awesome right?? Right?? THREE girls and me?! Surely a dream?! Well, it would be... should this dream in fact be a nightmare involving constantly being reminded of feet aching, and calls of 'daaaaayyyyyyyymmmmmmn' (damn to you and me) and various other things. All in all, i got into my Casino at 4.30am - after accompanying all the girls back home. So what do you do at 4.30am in Vegas?? Why, you play poker ofcourse!! I sat down, and again proceeded to lose money. Christ i'm awesome.

Quote of Vegas: said by a dude in an elevator when myself and Hannerz were discussing buying tickets and leaving them with the girls...

''I like big cars and small women, but i always seem to end up inside big women and small cars'' - it wasn't even relevant to what we were talking about, but DAMN was it funny!! This, along with tales told by my room-mates in the 'wood has kept me and Hannerz laughing all the way to LA, which is where we're currently holed up!

SO... where to now for our intrepid adventurers?? Well, 'High-Rollin Hannerz' aka 'Mavverz' is flying back home as he's skint, and i'll be in Anchorage (ALAKSA) exactly 24 hours from now!! Amazing!! Hopefully i'll be able to update you more in a couple of days, providing a) i'm not eaten by a bear and b) they've invented the internet up there... god bless their simple ways!!

So, i hope you've enjoyed this STUPIDLY long post, and i'll hook up with you all in Alaska.

Love you all,

Aaron! x
(& Hannerz)